How do I stay in love with someone I haven’t seen for a long time?

Answer (Gary Chapman): How do you keep that emotional love alive? Well, you won’t keep it alive unless there’s some contact. Eventually, the emotions die if there’s no contact with the person. There has to be some renewed contact if you want to keep it alive—either by letters or emails or phone calls, or if he is still in town, the two of you getting together to talk with each other.

Maybe he has already decided he doesn’t want this relationship to go anywhere and that’s why there hasn’t been any contact. If he doesn’t want it to go anywhere then you have to live with your own feelings at the moment. I would say there is no way to renew romantic love in a dating relationship if you haven’t seen each other in a long time and you won’t see each other in the future. You have to have contact if you want the love relationship to be renewed.


Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit

  • Dustin Mobley

    Reading a lot of books that recommend No Contact to win wife back, or to get over them during a separation. Do you believe in NC during separation? I’ve made some minimal contact during this time, so far the communication has seemed positive as far as I can tell communicating through text. I’m trying to keep it minimal, but I guess you just judge the response?

  • Dustin Mobley

    Is it ok to ask them if they want the relationship to go somewhere? Its been 3 weeks since the separation. There has been minimal contact, but mainly because of kids. When I do make contact, it does seem to be positive from what I can tell through text.

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