“Communicating with kindness is so important,” Jennifer says. “In the early years of our marriage, we dealt with a lot of difficult things; our ex’s for starters, and then Ben’s son Jeff, who struggles with bipolar disorder, moving in with us were a couple of the toughest difficulties. At that time, my young teen daughter had all the issues that puberty and life change bring. We moved across country. Then we had major health problems and surgeries, a car accident, and job changes. Dealing with other people’s anger, mental instability, revenge, and more—we just had to be open, honest, and work as a team to overcome these challenges. And we had to communicate with extra measures of kindness.”
To fill up their love bank during those stressful times, Jennifer and Ben took special times alone as a couple. “We had to withdraw from the chaos and spend time together,” Jennifer said. “Giving words of affirmation and encouragement was huge. Touch was very important. When there was a real lot of stress and high-conflict situations in your life, it’s so important to affirm the other person. Ben would take time to say thank you for how I handled a situation, even if I did it 90 percent wrong! He found a way to pull out the nugget of what I did do right.”
As Ben and Jennifer found out, even when you’re in the midst of a stressful situation—or angry as a hornet—you can still maintain the right heart attitude as you convey information, discuss difficult topics, and even vent.
You can show your respect, support, and love by consciously choosing your words and speaking with a kind and loving attitude. Yes, it takes diligence and restraint, but if you choose to be careful about what you say and how you say it, you can succeed, even in the toughest situation.
What tips do you have about being kind to your mate?
*Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness. Copyright © 2014, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more.
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