Where a man’s strength and courage is tested most is in the way he treats women-the way that he loves. –John Eldredge
Have you ever made a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a man?
If you’re anything like the average woman, you probably have and I am sure it started long ago as a teenage girl. At a young age my list had qualities like fire-fighter material, surfer, makes lots of money, tall-dark-handsome, wants 4 kids, etc.
I hope I’m not the only one that wrote silly, materialistic things like that. Needless to say, my husband is a musician, is shorter-than-average height, wants 2 kids, and does not surf that I am aware of. Lucky for me though, he does have the “fire-fighter material” part down (my man is a hunk!).
So let’s talk about some things that may or may not be on your list. I have found these to be super important, they are character qualities, which I will say mean more than any other status quo, “make lots of money” and “ridiculously good-looking” quality out there. However, it doesn’t hurt if he’s nice to look at.
1. Is he teachable?
Is he willing to learn? It is important that your man be teachable and shows a desire to learn, otherwise, your relationship will most likely become stagnant, stale, and boring. You want a man who will lead you in learning and growing together, as well as individually. There is so much to learn in the world, and it would be so disappointing to ever cease to be a student of life.
2. Is he humble?
Is he able to say that he doesn’t have everything all figured out? Is he willing to cheer others on when they have successes? Is he able to say “I’m Sorry?” I have learned a great deal from my husband about this. He has the most humble attitude towards others success. Instead of allowing jealousy or envy to consume him, he chooses (yes I said chooses) to be happy and excited for others. And this prevents him from comparing himself and instead finds a unique type of joy that only comes from being able to celebrate others. It’s truly inspiring.
For a man to be able to say he is sorry and genuinely ask for your forgiveness, no matter the issue is HUGE! It shows his humility and his ability to put others before himself. Not being able to apologize is a prideful issue and let me tell you, this is something I struggle with far more often than my husband. His ability to say he is sorry and ask for forgiveness convicts me every time, one of these days I am the first to apologize.
3. Does he make you smile/laugh?
My husband says the silliest, dumb, seriously off-the-wall corny things. But it makes me laugh. He has always been able to make me laugh back to the beginning of our friendship together, and he always will be able to make me laugh. He finds joy in it, he says.
Nobody should take life too seriously. Laughter is supposedly the best medicine and I genuinely agree. If your man doesn’t try to make you laugh, then the future looks pretty glum.
4. Does he make you think?
Does he challenge you intellectually How about spiritually? What about physically? No man should be able to let you slack in any of those areas. He does not have to be a drill sergeant about it, but he should be able to encourage you to be the best you can be.
5. Does he cherish you?
Does he know what he has when he has it? Does he remind you how beautiful, lovely, and captivating you are to him? This is one of the most important because it will speak directly to your hearts deepest longing. And if you don’t feel cherished by him, you will continually be striving for ways to grab his attention and that can lead down a very dangerous path.
6. What is the fruit of his life?
Does he produce good fruit or bad fruit?
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard — things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. -Galatians 5:22–23 (Message Version)
We can measure our Spiritual growth by the fruits of our lives. Are we growing in the areas mentioned above or are most absent? You can measure this in your man’s life as well. Put another way, this question asks: is he a spiritual leader for your life?
7. Does he respect you?
A man’s ability to respect his girlfriend, wife, mother etc. is a huge factor in what your life will look like with him. Are you free to disagree? If he is controlling of your time, friends, and money, or really anything in your life, he is not respecting you. As you become husband and wife it is important to be on the same page regarding who you hang out with and who you don’t, how you spend your money and how you don’t, etc. But if you are already noticing his appetite for control, get out of there quick!
8. Is he able to control his temper?
Self-control is not easy. Is he able to use self-control with his temper? Does he have a temper? A man that isn’t able to control his temper is not a man worth marrying. Who know’s how he will eventually lash out. Anger can evolve into many ugly things if not controlled. The number one thing is if you don’t feel safe with him, seek the help you need to remove yourself from him.
9. Is he trustworthy?
Warning: I am going to go pretty deep here. Trust is huge. And I want to share a part of our story with you because being able to trust your man is a big deal- particularly with his eyes.
My husband has a flip phone. Now before you start laughing or rolling your eyes, let me tell you why. Pornography is a huge issue, and it is very physically and emotionally damaging to relationships when it is used and abused. Gordon has had a damaging past with pornography and has come a long way with a lot of self-discipline, accountability, encouragement, and prayer. The last time he looked at pornography was through his iPhone. It broke me.
It has been years since I felt the effects directly from my husband using pornography, and years since he switched from iPhone to flip phone. Changing his phone is not the only thing he has done to gain my trust, but its just one example. It might seem a silly thing just changing phones, but it has made me be able to trust him like no other in that area of his life.
Being with a man who you can trust in all areas of your life (spiritually, physically, emotionally, with finances, with children, with his sexuality etc.) is vitally important to your safety and security.
10. Are you his favorite person?
Do you like to be around each other? Does he think you’re an awesome person? If you are with a man that really drives you nuts most of the time or vice versa, I would say to look elsewhere. You want your husband to be someone you can have fun with and be excited about spending time with, apart from the physical intimacy.
It’s the best being married to your best friend. Gordon and I love doing everything together, which will not be everyone’s experience, but if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, hopefully, it’s someone you like to hang out with. A physical relationship only will fall and crumble unless you make friendship the base.
All of these qualities are important, however, you will not find a man who has them all down perfectly. They are a lot to live up to and no one is perfect. Grace will need to be extended. But if it is important to you, it will be important to him.
Evaluate the man in your life: What qualities is he great at? Which ones not so great? If he desires to love you better, he won’t mind if you bring these up. Be encouraging and believe him there. If a man knows you believe in him, he can do anything.
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Let me hear your thoughts in the comments below, which of these qualities listed above would you say is most important to you?
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