What Settling Does to Your Children

Your husband, whoever he is, single ladies, will have an unbelievable amount of influence over your sons and daughters in regards to spiritual things. -Matt Chandler

Do you find yourself settling in your dating relationships? Would you be willing to spend years waiting—and perhaps lonely—to ensure that your kids will one day learn about Jesus from a man who loves Jesus himself? 

Matt Chandler, Pastor of The Village Church in Texas, says that our husbands will have an enormous influence on our children regarding spiritual things. That is why, single ladies, if you want your children to love Jesus deeply, hold out for a man who loves Jesus deeply.

Waiting for a man who is godly is a hard thing. Godly men are rare. You may spend years feeling lonely and left behind, struggling with your deep heart questions. But I can assure you from personal experience, it is worth it!

You would be surprised how often single ladies have children as the goal before we really think about the man we’re marrying. It’s easy to settle when you so badly want the family, right? Or to settle because you don’t want to be lonely.

Those are both legitimate feelings and desires, but I promise you that “It is better that you be lonely now than for you to be married and lonely later”(Matt Chandler). It is better to be lonely now than to marry a man who will teach your children about everything but Jesus.

A man who will not show your children the ways of Jesus is not worth your time, energy, or emotions. Because you and your future children deserve a man who will lead them in the matter of spiritual things.

So here are some things to think about:

  1. What are your passions? Your dreams? 
  2. What are the core beliefs you’ve discovered about yourself (God, marriage, divorce, dating, family, finances, etc.)?
  3. Why do you do the things you do? Why do you believe the things you believe?
  4. What are the things you are certain of and not so certain of?
  5. What is important to you?

This is important, ladies, because once you are able to answer these questions for yourself, you can use them as a sort of “criteria” for marriage. These are your “non-negotiables.” For example, I have a friend who one day wants to adopt and it is non-negotiable for him to find a woman who also wants to adopt. It’s important that the man who may one day become your husband and your children’s father is on the same page as you on important issues.

My husband is passionate about spiritual matters. I am too, but I know that I can count on him to one day lead our kids into passionate relationships with Jesus. And that is a beautiful thing to be sure of.

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I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below:

What, in one word, is a “non-negotiable” you look for in a spouse?

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Tarah is a entrepreneur, a wife of a songwriter, a dreamer, a coffee lover and a personal blogger. She is obsessed with reading, particularly sci-fi/fantasy/adventure fiction, her favorite author of this genre is Brandon Sanderson. She lives in Denver, CO with her husband and spends her days managing and creating content for her business TarahAvery.com. She believes that true joy and happiness stem from healthy relationships in three areas- relationship with God, with others, and with yourself. To read more about Tarah check out her blog or Facebook page.

  • Toluwalope Adefolalu

    This is very insightful, and really encouraging.

    I would love a man who would let me pursue my career and support wholeheartedly.

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