Have you ever felt too bossy or that you were a control freak? If that’s the case, you’re not alone. You may be “that” woman.
Prior to getting engaged almost 7 years ago, I had been single for most of my life. My husband was the only person who I can honestly say I’ve been in a serious long-term relationship with. There are many insights and lessons I learned about myself as I entered into this relationship.
I learned that I could be controlling and bossy at times. I’m ashamed to share this, but I was “that” woman. It’s very easy to point the finger at someone else and to focus on their weaknesses without ever looking at our own faults and intricacies. If you find yourself thinking or saying things to your spouse like, “Why don’t you do it like this?”, repeating the same suggestions to your spouse over and over and over again, or even saying “I wish you would stop doing that”, then you might be “that” woman too; a bossy and nagging wife. God showed me that these thoughts and comments were not uplifting towards my spouse.
I thank God He has given me a sensitive heart. Despite my nagging and bossy tendencies towards my spouse at times, God would remind me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 that says “’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” God loves you very much and that He does not want you to beat yourself up or condemn yourself.
Through this process, God has shown me five insights that have helped me and can help you overcome being a bossy or nagging wife.
- Insight #1: Be still and open up your heart to God; ask Him to show you the specific areas in your marriage where you tend to focus more on your spouse’s weaknesses versus your own.
- Insight #2: Communicate openly with your spouse about your struggle and ask him to gracefully point out the specific things you’ve said that makes him uncomfortable.
- Insight #3: Get real with yourself and acknowledge this area of weakness; repent before God and your spouse.
- Insight #4: Pray and find scriptures in the Word that talk about God’s love and His thoughts about marriage; meditate on those Scriptures.
- Insight #5: Don’t beat yourself up! Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that Gods love is not contingent upon us being perfect. Receive and embrace God’s love for you and your husband.
Every day we have to make a conscious effort to show the love of Christ towards our spouses. To act otherwise is not fair to our husbands and most importantly, does not demonstrate God’s love.
Know that when you “commit your way to the Lord; Trust in Him and He will do it” – Psalm 37:5. God wants to see you delivered in the area of control and desires to see you surrender this area of your life to Him. From personal experience, I am much more free in my marriage when I let go of the right to control things.
My prayer for you is that you will trust God with the areas in your marriage you feel you need to control and that the Word of God fills your heart to the point of change. Instead of pointing the finger at your husband and reminding him of what he needs to change and what he’s not doing right, revert that energy towards yourself and focus on allowing God to change you.
If you have ever experienced feeling like you had a hard time not being in control, please share your experience by commenting. How did you surrender this area to the Lord? I’m sure many people will be encouraged by hearing your story. Thanks for sharing!
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