Kitchen Wars

After a long day of traveling home from this particular summer vacation, my husband Jeremiah and I got into a big argument. We were over-tired and not thinking straight. Words flew carelessly in the air and we threw verbal punches at each other.

Shortly after the conflict, I reflected back on one of the evenings during our vacation that Jeremiah watched the kids so I could hear Christian songwriter Sara Groves in concert where we were staying.

In between songs, Sara told us she wouldn’t be ashamed to expose any dirty laundry. She wanted to be transparent with her audience about the real, raw, not-so-perfect parts of life. She shared a story about a fight she and her husband had in their kitchen.

Wow, they have struggles in their marriage sometimes too? I thought.

Love is stronger.
Then I realized she was human too. So was her husband. She talked a little more and started playing the piano keys. She sang these words:

We just had a World War III here in our kitchen – We both thought the meanest things
And then we both said them – We shot at each other till we lost ammunition
This is how I know our love – This is when I feel its power
Here in the absence of it – This is my darkest hour
When both of us are hunkered down – And waiting for the truce
All the complicated wars – They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down – We roll to the middle
No matter how my pride resists – No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can’t be sure – That you’re gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what – I’m going to reach for you”
from “Roll to the Middle”

I resonated with her words and loved her honesty. Her song reminded me of the arguments Jeremiah and I had in the past and how more would arise in the future, but no matter what, our love for each other is always stronger.

The One who heals
It’s stronger because the foundation of our love is built on Christ, who loves perfectly. He is our hope and strength when we let each other down. When we say careless words. When we aren’t acting like the people God created us to be.

He is the one who heals the broken, sinful, shameful parts within us.

When Jeremiah and I were finished taking jabs that day after traveling, we eventually cooled off and came to our senses. He confessed his faults and I confessed my pride and how I was being ridiculous. We forgave each other and talked about how we could communicate more effectively in the future.

For each other
We also talked about how God had blessed us with an incredible vacation, free of any conflicts. It would have been foolish to allow one disagreement to cast a shadow on the ten days of pure bliss God had just given us together.

Then I was reminded of Sara’s song and had to smile. It didn’t matter what Jeremiah and I were arguing about, the truth was that we were for each other. We were on the same team and our love was bigger than any of our petty conflicts.

That same night, we crashed on our bed, turned out the lights and rolled to the middleat peace with God and one another.


Samantha Krieger is a pastor’s wife, mom, writer and editor in rural Colorado. Through story, personal experience, and biblical insight she is passionate about helping others live out their faith in everyday life and relationships. She has been writing for leading Christian books and magazines for over 12 years and holds a BA in English and Master’s in Religion. Samantha and her husband, Jeremiah, have been married for a decade and have four young children. Samantha writes candidly about marriage, motherhood, and faith at

  • These kinds of things are inevitable, and we go through them. The worst thing we can do, though, is to argue in front of our children. They may not understand all of the words, but they get the tone. We have seldom argued in front of our children, and there have seldom been raised voices, but our kids know when we’re in conflict. It hurts them.

    I always try to remember that it is a glory to overlook an offense, and my husband tries to as well.

  • So true Kim. Thanks for sharing.

  • Oh my word, I loved this! I so appreciate your transparency and find it straight-up refreshing. My husband and I have been married for five years and after years of passive aggression on my part, I’m learning how to do this whole conflict thing. It used to terrify me, but now I see it as a part of any relationship that has some depth. Thanks so much for writing this!

  • “I see it as a part of any relationship that has some depth…” love your words. Resolving conflict is hard work but well worth it. Thanks for your comment, Samantha.

  • Julia Wells

    I love the words to the song! And I love how wonderful a marriage can be when you can resolve conflict and roll to the middle at night 🙂 You’re inspiration Samantha.

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