Keeping Your Own Identity Alive In Marriage

Oftentimes in marriage, there is a partner with a stronger personality–the “vocal representative” in the relationship.

The person with the stronger personality is often the one who ends up being “boss.” Sometimes they give their opinion readily and expect it to be followed. Other times, their big personality simply is one that starts to rub off on others–because it’s big. It doesn’t mean they are wrong, mean, or bad. It simply means they have a big personality! In this case, it can be hard for the other mate to not feel engulfed or overtaken by that partner.

It’s important in a marriage relationship (or even a dating relationship for that matter) to keep your own identity. Don’t allow yourself to be rubbed off and overtaken by your partner.

It’s natural for marriage partners to merge in some ways over the course of a lifetime. You go through so much together that certain traits and views will become similar. But there should always be some differences. Even though you’ve become ONE, you are still TWO individuals.

I was a ME long before I became a WE. And I can go through the course of a lifetime united with my husband while still maintaining my individuality. That’s important for a healthy relationship and it’s important for a healthy personal self-esteem. I need to feel valued and be able to give value to another without feeling tromped on.

If your spouse doesn’t simply have a large personality but tends to have a strong viewpoint on everything, keeping your own viewpoint can be tough at times. But no one should be a patsy in a marriage and no one should feel like a rug being walked on all of the time. It can be easy to simply try and keep the peace in this kind of relationship but all that does is defer the real issue.

One of the beautiful things about marriage is being able to walk through everything with someone you love and who loves you. One of the toughest is learning how to do “life” as one united front while still being the “you” God uniquely created you to be. Sometimes it may take courage to speak up and voice your opinion in a loving and honoring way. Sometimes it may take counseling or deep prayer. But you are just as valuable as your beloved spouse.

There are TWO in a marriage. Never forget that. You have a voice. God gave it to you for a reason.

*Photo by sezipix under CC License



Dionna Sanchez is a freelance writer/blogger who is passionate about faith, family, and living a life of character. Dionna strives to be authentic yet gentle, joyful but intentional, and humble yet wise. She continues to learn each year how to be a better wife. Visit her blog at or connect on Facebook at


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