Men, I need to tell you something you did not learn in seventh grade health class: you have three sex organs. One you know about, and the other two are mounted to the sides of your head. Your ears are more important to your sex life than anything below your neck. Your wife is more interested in them than any other body part on a day-to-day basis. They are the sexiest thing you sport, and I don’t care how much you work out or what you inherited. Use them and you will be a fulfilled man.
The opposite should be remembered as well. No amount of mattress time is going to enhance your sex life without using your ears first, during and after. Listening is the key to whether you and your wife build intimacy.
Listening first: Build your wife’s comfort level for the wonderful, but vulnerable act of love-making long before the first sock hits the floor. Emotional security for your wife begins with listening regularly. Most women, unlike most men, can’t compartmentalize their feelings, the problems of the day, or the issues they need to talk about and hop into a romantic interlude. Men—again, speaking generally—can kick anything to the curb mentally for a chance to burn some calories with the Ms. A wise man will become a regular listener so his wife doesn’t have an unnecessary burden when the opportunity strikes.
Listening during: Easy? Not so much. But oh, so important. Being a good listener while things are steaming ahead could be the difference between building and tearing down the marriage, not just the marriage bed. It’s an opportunity to serve, believe it or not. There may be feelings or thoughts that will only surface in that intimate moment, and to miss them is to miss a rare opportunity. A word of caution: everyone is different, and you are the only one married to your wife, so learn how she communicates. Having said that, here are some things that apply to every man:
- Never ignore any comment or gesture that shows hesitation on her part.
- Do not introduce anything she isn’t reasonably expecting.
- Don’t be selfish.
- Patience is probably never going to be a man’s strong point, but it sure helps her.
Listening after: Possibly the best thing you will do for yourself! Coined “afterglow,” this time is priceless for both of you. Men often miss this opportunity because of important things like falling asleep or watching television. For men, there’s the ever-present To-Do List we carry around mentally. Put it aside. Don’t hurry into something else. Time is standing still and you have the chance to build your marriage with the least resistance you will ever face. Be all there for it. If you think “it’s over” once the bed springs are quiet, you are badly mistaken. Act like “it’s over” and you will set your romantic life in full reverse. Really, I shouldn’t even have to offer this warning, but I am going to anyway, because men forget easily, and women never, ever, ever do. Trust me.