Talking About Sex—Before you Remarry

Although you already know a lot about your future mate, the reality is, you’ll spend your entire life getting to know him or her better. But in areas as deep and important as sexual intimacy, understanding how your future mate is created is very important.

So how can you tell—before marriage—if your partner has the same interest, attitude, and desire for sex as you do, without getting entangled in a sexual relationship prior to marriage? Naturally God made man and woman sexually compatible, and, barring any physical or psychological problem, sex is almost instinctive.

If your future spouse is kind, giving, unselfish, and seeking your best, sex will be, most likely, a joyful journey of discovery. But if you choose to experiment before you are married, you’ll be forfeiting a very special gift. In fact, saving sex for marriage is the best wedding present you can give each other.

God says that He will restore the things that have been lost, and He does! And God used you love and acceptance of each other to heal so many of your past issues. The more positives you have in your relationship, the more the negative things of the past just fade away. They become distant shadows.

But making that happen is intentional—choose to never, ever tear each other down, especially regarding body image and sexuality. We all make mistakes, have flaws, or weaknesses, but we need to be gentle with one another. And it’s wise to continue to learn all you can about having a healthy relationship. This will also help you interact well so you don’t have to relive the past hurts and reopen old wounds.

Intentionality is so important in this area of your lives. Intentionally avoiding premarital sex; intentionally dealing with your past and then leaving it behind; and intentionally building each other up and caring for one another. Do all this, and you’ll build a strong and intimate relationship.

Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved. Visit for more on this book.


Susan and Dale Mathis are passionate about helping couples prepare for marriage and for remarriage, since they are a remarried couple themselves. Dale has two master's degrees in counseling and has worked in counseling and human resources for over 30 years. Susan, the founding editor of Thriving Family magazine, has written prolifically for magazines and newspapers and continues to serve as a consultant, freelance editor and writer, and speaker. As a couple they enjoy camping, hiking, biking, and visiting family and friends around the world. Their blended family includes five adult children and three granddaughters. For more information about Susan or Dale, visit their website.

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