Karen and Paul looked toward their remarriage, even though they knew they had a lot of sexual baggage from their pasts. Karen’s ex was not only a porn addict but also an abuser, and Paul’s ex was a meth user. So when they met and decided to marry, this couple needed to understand God’s design for pure sexual intimacy and apply His redemptive work in their lives so that their marriage could thrive.
When it comes to remarrying couples, sexual intimacy can be both a challenge and a place where God can bring healing, hope, and redemption like few other areas of life can. God made us to be in relationship, and because marriage is the most intimate and intense of all relationships, it can be redemptive beyond words when it is done right. When we love, serve and enjoy one another as God planned, and when covenant commitment undergirds all that, sexual intimacy can be an amazing and wonderful part of your life.
The redeeming power of remarriage is so evident to us,” Karen says. “God makes all things new. We don’t concentrate on looking back on the former things, instead, we experience God’s love and grace in our marriage.”
Make a fresh start.
For anyone going into a second marriage, it’s wise to view this area of your relationship as a place where God can give you a new start. Whether you’ve lost your first marriage to death or divorce, the fear of being intimately close again can be overwhelming. Guilt, mistrust, isolation or even shame can threaten to hinder intimacy.
So first, make sure you resolve whatever issues you might have, whether through prayer, discussion or counseling, and then make a covenant with your future mate to give this area of your marriage to God. In the power of redemption, even the broken places of life can be made new.
Sex within marriage should be a reflection of unselfish giving—not unlike the loving relationship Christ has with His Church. It’s about care, sacrifice, submission, devotion, tenderness and respect. And making love is also about fun, pleasure, and enjoyment—and the reality of experiencing true intimacy. And sexual intimacy within marriage is also fulfilling, holy, honorable, healthy and healing.
Intentionality is so important in this area of your lives. Intentionally avoiding premarital sex; intentionally dealing with your past and then leaving it behind; and intentionally building each other up and caring for one another. Do all this, and you’ll build a strong and intimate relationship.
Enjoy his creation.
It’s an intricate dance, to be sure. The key is to understand how your mate is wired and then learn how to meet his or her needs.
Sex is an all-encompassing act: It involves your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves. And God is pleased in knowing His creation is enjoying what He created you to experience within marriage.
He wants you to have fun, be free to indulge unashamed and lavish in who and how He made both of you. Its purpose is to connect husband and wife on the deepest level possible, to make you completely safe and vulnerable together and to experience a unique exclusive closeness that no one else experiences with your mate.
Live in his redemption.
Making love is a lifelong learning experience—it’s building intimacy physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Your desires will ebb and flow—sometimes they will be stronger; at times they will be weaker—and they will be different for each of you. And the different seasons of life, such as childbearing, childrearing and menopause, will affect your sexual intimacy as well.
Sexual intimacy is a deep nonverbal expression of love that can only be fully realized in an atmosphere of safety and commitment. It’s the mind, will, emotions and body working together within the context of the intimate relationship called marriage. And it’s fun, holy, exciting and life changing. Enjoy his redemption—and thrive!
Adapted from “The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness”, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more on the adventure of remarriage.
