Q: My boyfriend and I are on the path to marriage—but I have this fear that one day, we won’t have much to say and that we will get bored. How do you and your hubby keep things fresh?
A: Caution Marriage Ahead is probably the last thing young lovers want to hear. Usually when you find Mr. Right or Mrs. Right you feel like leaping to the altar! In fact, King Solomon wrote about this same thing. He said,
Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice (Song of Songs 2:8-9, NIV84).”
I’m one to talk too! My husband and I met in January, started dating in February, were engaged in August–and married in October. Phew! What you don’t know or didn’t see was the dateless decade I spent alone in my 20s. By the time Marc found me we were both ready. Thankfully, that didn’t stop either of us from asking tough pre-engagement questions and preparing for marriage by seeking advice from pastors, mentors, and parents.
My advice to dating or pre engaged couples would be to write out a list of expectations. Maybe you can only think of 3 but your partner can think of 5—that’s okay. Take the time to discuss them alone with God first—and then with each other.
For instance, after I got married, I wasn’t expecting how quiet and peaceful marriage would feel. When you’re dating, you’re typically rushing around, and there is a lot of heightened excitement of what’s to come. After things settle down in marriage things become peaceful. If you’re not careful, peaceful can turn into boring. Media portrays marriage as overrated—but they lack the understanding of the gospel, true servanthood, and putting the needs of your spouse before you. Dating is fun but marriage is way more fun in the ways you least expect. If you’re able to s-p-e-l-l out your expectations of what you hope marriage will look like—it will help foster the excitement and keep the peace going.