Rejection. What a painful pill to swallow, and no matter how full our “love tank” feels, just one action can make us feel bankrupt.
I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
There was a brief moment in my new marriage when I felt rejected. Abandoned. Unwanted. I was heartbroken and the enemy pounced. Never mind all of the incredible quality time we had been spending together. Never mind how beautiful and desired he always mad me feel. Never mind that I honestly trusted him. The enemy’s lies were pouring in… “He’d rather be anywhere else right now…” “You aren’t fun anymore…” On and on they went until somewhere deep in the pit of my despairing soul I called out to the Lord and He heard my cry. My simple cry, “Lord, help,” became a mantra until more constructive thoughts and pleas could be formed. My Heavenly Father heard my cries and just as He had for the Saints of Old, He comforted me with His presence. He reminded me of important truths: my husband loved and adored me. He would never intentionally hurt my feelings. Even more, God loved me with an everlasting love and unfailing kindness, so when the inevitable happens and I’m disappointed by an earthly relationship, my Heavenly Father is waiting with arms wide open to comfort me.
I spent the night cleaning and crying out to God, trying to rationally calm (what I hoped was just) pregnancy hormones down by covering the enemy’s lies with truths. Not only was I so bothered, I was bothered that it bothered me! I was trying to justify my feelings by blaming them on hormones, but the truth of the matter is these wounds are old and run deep. At the first sign of offense the Band-Aid tore off and the bleeding started.
Eventually my conversations with the Lord helped me fall into a fitful night’s sleep.
The next morning was tough and tense because although I knew the truth the pain of the rejection was still raw. My words were few to my husband that morning. I had resolved the night before to let God be in control and that I wouldn’t accuse or lash out. I had resolved that my mouth would not sin (Psalm 17:3). To my surprise, my feelings were completely vindicated by my husband’s quick and heartfelt apology. I stood amazed at God for allowing my husband to be aware of my exact feelings without any emotional outbursts from me.
The newness of marriage coupled with an unexpected, difficult, albeit exciting, pregnancy has made for the unpacking and disposal of much unwanted personal baggage. Where in my past was I so hurt that rejection now causes such a blow to my self-esteem? What have I missed in my development as a child of the Living God that my identity is rooted in the approval (or lack thereof) from others? I am chosen and dearly loved by Him whose opinion alone should matter (Colossians 3:12). It is this rock-hard foundation that my identity must be built. I cannot rely on my husband’s affection, the approval of others, or anything else. My identity must be found in Christ alone. And until that becomes my normal, natural response, I will circle this mountain.
Dear friend, if you happen to go through intermittent identity crises as I do, please make no hesitations to cover the enemy’s lies with Truth. You have been given victory in Christ Jesus (1 Corinthians 15:57). You have the ability to be renewed by transforming your mind and thinking only about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:8). You are one of God’s chosen: holy and dearly loved.
FEATURED GUEST — Kristen Lindquist: Nomadic by nature and circumstance, Kristen has grown up along the east coast, moved more times than she can count, and attended more schools than she can remember. Most recently, she did a lot of spiritual growing on the “third coast” where she attended Moody Theological Seminary and (mostly) embraced city living. To her joy and amazement, and as a testimony to God’s redemptive grace, Kristen and her husband, Aaron, live in Virginia Beach where she teaches 5th grade and is learning how to apply Ephesians 5:21.
