5 Simple Reasons Not to Go All the Way While Engaged

Listen, I know how hard it is to stay pure before marriage.

Been there and never want to go back.

Guess what?

Its even harder when you’re engaged! You want to talk about blurred lines?

Somehow that rock on your finger grays the black and white, stokes the shared fires of passion and untames the sexual zeal you’ve diligently subdued.

Will. You. Marry. Me?

No doubt those four life altering words make physical restrictions feel slightly less, well, restrictive.

I mean, why not go all the way? If you+him=forever, then what’s the problem?

It’s going to happen eventually right?

I was in love with my husband long before he ever even knew who I was. I endured 12 grueling months of fantasizing about him and our future together before he even told me he felt the same. On the day he finally expressed his love for me, I was very ready for our first kiss. In a daze of expectancy I turned toward him and locked my eyes into his. My posture displayed desire as my chest rose and fell with breathy sighs. Just as my lips plumped forward to meet his and my eyes fell closed, I felt a gentle whisper tickle my ear, “Jennifer, do you want to know when you’ll get your first kiss from me?”

Um, gee how’d you guess?  Seriously, are you really that bad at reading body language?

“On our wedding day,” he said.


At that moment, there wasn’t an oxymoron in the English language that could adequately describe my mixed bag of emotions.  Disappointingly excited? Perplexingly impressed? Patiently anxious?

Nope. None of the above.

Vulnerably secure.

Yes, that was it.

And life was more beautiful than ever.

God had actually given me a man of integrity who wasn’t willing to devalue the covenant of marriage or discount our wedding night by taking something that wasn’t yet his… a piece of my virtue.

Does this sound over the top? A little too conservative maybe? Oh, I’m sure it does. To a twerked up culture it sounds absolutely puritanical and completely innaplicable.

But God sees purity as vital and His boundaries for intimacy and sex were displayed in the garden when Eve was taken out of Adam’s rib. When she was created, she was already his wife. There was no pre-marital anything for Adam and Eve.

Sex is for marriage. Simply trust that God has His reasons for designing it that way.

Just incase you need more convincing, here are five simple reasons not to go all the way with your fiancé:

Because you want God’s blessing! God reserved sex for a man and a woman who have entered into the covenant of marriage. It is a simple concept, really. If you obey this statute He will bless your marriage and particularly your sex life! I’m not saying sex is going to be amazing on your wedding night. (Helpful hint: good sex takes time, patience and lots of practice) I’m simply saying that obedience will pave the way to greater intimacy and greater intimacy leads to better sex. God blesses obedience.

Because you want your spouse’s utmost respect! My husband put God first from the genesis of our relationship. He said, “no” to his flesh and yes to God.  He displayed self-control, integrity and leadership during our engagement. For that alone he still has my utmost respect. Showing your beloved that you want to please God and honor the boundaries He created for sexual intimacy creates an unbreakable trust that will fuel mutual respect in your future marriage.

Because, believe it or not, sexual tension is a gift from God! The desire you have for your fiancé is a gift from God. It is a beautiful veil concealing the mystery of what’s to come on your wedding night and beyond! Be joyful in this season. Enjoy the anticipation and savor the longing without borrowing what’s not up for loan. This season will soon end and the mystery will be revealed in due time.

Because you want to be baggage free! I know many couples who indulged in the gift of sex prior to getting married only to experience feelings of guilt and shame after their wedding. That guilt and shame held them back from freely enjoying the wonder of covenant intimacy. What should have been sacred was tainted by a lack of self restraint during their season of waiting. Go into marriage free and full not bound and bankrupt!

Because you are part of a Holy generation! God called you and your future spouse out of this world and into His kingdom! With that calling comes the responsibility to bear witness to a tainted generation of hurting people! You have been set apart to be a living example of Christ’s love! By submitting to God and waiting to enjoy sex within the confines of marriage, you exemplify purity to this sex-saturated world! You put Christ on display for the world to see.

I know it is hard to wait. But waiting builds character and character is a highly sought after gem in this world! Please your Savior who gave up everything for you!

Be self-controlled, filled with the Spirit and keep your engagement short.


Jennifer Roos has a passionate pursuit in life—to fully surrender herself to God’s agenda. While learning to live this out in a real world with real issues, she shares her experience to inspire women of all ages to free their faith and be bold in their pursuit of Godliness. Jennifer has served as a Secondary English teacher in both Christian and secular private schools, an International Academic Advisor at a University in New York and a Missionary working short term in over 30 countries. But... none of those roles were nearly as challenging as the one she's in now; wife and stay at home mom. She currently lives in Chicago with her husband, Wouter and two children, Makaio and Mikayla. Jennifer blogs at www.jenniferjroos.com She is also a contributor at Unveiled Wife.

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