Are You That Girl?

What am I doing?

The question echoed in my head as I sat hunched over with the phone pressed to my ear. I thought about how eagerly I had run to take this call, my heart racing to hear the sound of his voice. I had been regularly setting aside my schedule for hours at a time to listen intently to his every word. In my mind I thought I was being a good friend, but in reality I had turned into that girl.

You know the one I’m talking about.

The girl who puts herself out there for a guy she hopes will like her in return. The girl who goes against the advice of friends who warn her she is in an unhealthy situation. The girl who doesn’t want to face the facts that the guy she likes just doesn’t feel the same.

It’s not fun being that girl. Trust me, I know. I also realize how hard it is to let go of your hopes for a happy ending. It took me too many months of phone conversations and in person hangouts to admit this guy I longed for didn’t view our relationship the way I did. I thought the amount of time we spent together would have implied I meant something more, but the lines of friendship had not blurred for him one bit. Even knowing how he felt, I still played along in hopes he would come around. He had become such a comfortable fixture in my life, someone to ease my loneliness and give me the attention I craved. I held out hope he would change… but the only change occurring was in me. As I became more emotionally attached to him, I also became more frustrated and depressed over the hopelessness of the situation. I had sacrificed myself in vain – my time, my heart and my feelings of self-worth – all for a guy.

Over time I learned I had to start guarding my heart in order to stop being that girl. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 4:23 (NIV):

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Instead of waiting for him to wake up and set boundaries in our relationship, I needed to do so. Only I understood how much I could handle emotionally. I had to let go of my desire to spend time with him and limit our interactions. I admit the journey of surrendering this area of my life to God was tough. Through prayer, I found the strength to give up something I thought was good for God’s ultimate best. The more distance I put between myself and this friendship, the more clear and objective my perspective became. I started to understand this guy could not fulfill my needs; only God’s perfect love and peace could.

If you find yourself being that girl in a relationship, consider these four questions.

Is your relationship…

– mutually fulfilling?

– benefiting or hindering your spiritual and emotional growth?

– heading towards a long-term commitment and eventually marriage?

– honoring to God?

As you evaluate your current relationship, I hope you will find courage in the Lord to make the necessary changes to guard your heart. Remember your true identity in Jesus. Don’t sell yourself short for an unfulfilling and unhealthy relationship. You no longer have to be that girl because you are a daughter of the King!


Liwen Y. Ho resides in California with her techie husband of more than a dozen years and their inquisitive son and fun-loving daughter. She has a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Western Seminary and loves makeovers of all kinds, especially those of the heart and mind. She enjoys family beach days, white chocolate macadamia nut ice cream and the beauty of the written word. Learn about her life as a recovering perfectionist at her website or connect on Facebook.

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