I had some extra pep in my step on a recent morning as I was getting ready to have lunch with one of my mentors and role models, Christie. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while and always looked forward to her wisdom and encouragement. As we embraced in a giant hug, sat down and gushed over the menu, and laughed about memories we shared, all felt right with the world. I had no idea that 30 minutes later I would see my dear friend in tears as she said her marriage was over. Did I hear her right? Is this really happening?
Her story poured onto the table as hurt pierced her eyes. She told me of the struggles they faced the past 10 years, of medical issues, of her changing body through menopause, of emotional affairs with other individuals, and of the separate lives they had built over time. As she spoke, her body language slowly shifted from sadness to anger. “Hannah, I used to think he could do anything in the world. I thought he was the greatest man. I watched him lead ministries, I saw him raise our kids, and I thought he could do no wrong. But these past few years, I just stopped believing in him.” I tried to say something but no words could come out. It honestly felt like my mom was telling me she was getting a divorce. This wasn’t just a friend. This was a woman I had looked up to for the majority of my adult life.
Have you ever had that moment when you realize divorce can happen to anyone? Your pastor, best friend, parents, or role models aren’t off limits to Satan and the way he deceives people. Sitting at lunch, I watched the enemy take a marriage of two strong believers in our community and make a mockery out of it. I imagine he was the one with some extra pep in his step that afternoon as he thought, “I did it! Another Christian marriage down the tubes! Just look at the impact this divorce will have! The kids, their jobs, their church, their friends will all begin to doubt!”
This dear couple has been seen the past decade in church leadership, on boards, volunteering, and mentoring others in our community, but Satan was working and deceiving throughout those years to snatch the victory away from our God. As I heard Christie talk, it wasn’t reduced to a simple lie or problem. Instead, it looked like one of those tangled balls of yarn that seem impossible to straighten out. How did it get to this point?
I walked in the door extremely humbled by this lunch date. I am overwhelmed as I reflect and admit that could be me in 20 years, sitting with my best friend at lunch saying, “I don’t know what happened.” I know I haven’t experienced the same pain and rejection Christie has, so how will I handle it if it arises? What kind of support, community, and accountability do I need to place around me so my marriage is being constantly challenged and encouraged? Through mistakes and trials, I long to still look at Caleb and believe he is my hero. How can I continue to pour into my husband even when it’s overwhelmingly difficult?
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