“Although we talked about our money expectations a little before we got married,” Tim says, “we just didn’t have a good long-term plan. So after we married, I tried to figure it out.”
“When you both have the same expectations,” Hannah says, “it’s amazing what you can do. We just don’t fight about money anymore.”
If you discover that one or both of you have conflicting expectations about anything, choose to solve these differences through kind and respectful communication. Here are some tips:
- Articulate your expectations so your partner understands what you need.
- Assess each other’s expectations to see if they’re realistic, and choose to adjust them accordingly.
- Realize that both of you need to grow and develop into your own blended way of doing things.
- Expect that commitment and compromise mean giving up some things to get others.
- Try to respond kindly to each other’s valid expectations, even when you don’t agree with them or when they’re different from your own.
- Expect that change is a given. You don’t have to be stuck in the way you’ve always done something. Find new ways that work for both of you.
- Be humble, unselfish, and flexible.
- Do what’s best for your relationship.
- Set reasonable goals, make plans, and dream together.
- Leave the past behind, including certain obligations to your families and friends.
- Determine to become a family God will be proud of.
Do you have other tips on communicating about conflicting expectations?
*Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness. Copyright © 2014, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more.
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