Here’s a common misconception men have that causes major sexual dysfunction in a marriage: Confusing the desire to be wanted and loved with being pursued (both emotionally and sexually). Everyone wants to be loved; everyone wants to feel loved. Nothing wrong with wanting to be sexually desirable to your wife, but expecting that to translate to being pursued, sought after, or romanced by your wife is a serious miscalculation. The husband is the prime initiator, the prime mover and the prime pursuer. He is the one who should be initiating, romancing, and seeking his wife–sexually and emotionally. This is how he confirms her value and his love; this is how she will know her value and his love. She’s worth the effort, and pursuing her makes that “public knowledge” within their marriage.
Men who wait for a woman to chase them or pursue them or initiate intimacy are being “effeminate”; it’s a role reversal. Of course, a wife is always free to initiate a romantic encounter. Some are freer than others. But it should come as a response to the overall environment the husband has built, an environment where she is free for the very reason that she does not have to pursue him. She can pick and choose her opportunities and it’s a pleasure to both.
Turn off the expectation that your wife should be seeking you out romantically or intimately, without feeling that it’s somehow unfair that you have to initiate romance or intimacy “all the time” and see if tensions don’t drop, mistrust doesn’t disappear, and more freedom in the marriage bedroom doesn’t follow.
Photo Copyright: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo
