Creating a Calm Home

When your spouse walks into the door of your home, does he or she think “Phew, I’m home now” or “Oh boy, here it comes.”

You’re here reading this article so I know you want your spouse to think of the first phrase. Of course, a neat home is nice, but even better is a warm home where your spouse feels welcome. But what if you’ve had a lousy day? I know I’ve had bad mornings and still managed to smile at a room full of strangers in a meeting. Somehow we can put negative feelings behind us and act civilly – even warmly – to friends and acquaintances. Yet our spouse can get the emotional scraps of the day.

Why not pay the same respect to your best friend, your spouse, that you would give your boss or acquaintance? You say, “But that’s fake. I want to be real with my spouse.” Well, if your spouse was “real” with you all the time, he or she might come home fuming, stressing, and fussing about the nonsense he or she endured at work.

It’s one thing to commiserate over a bad day together. It’s another thing to bring your crabbiness, worry, anxiety, and irritation to the dinner table.
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The Bible says it exactly this way twice, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9, 25:24). The writer of this proverb would rather live in a cheerless spot unsuitable for cold or rain than in a comfortable house with a sour, scolding woman. No external conveniences can replace the desire and need for internal peace.

Do you realize the power you have to create a calm environment at home? Think in terms of invisible and visible calm. Spiritually, have you invited the Holy Spirit into your day and life so you can be joyful even when circumstances aren’t? Are you showing love towards your spouse by speaking a love language such as words of affirmation, gifts, time, acts of service, or physical touch? If your spouse likes things tidy, are things picked up and generally organized?

The work world can be a noisy, harsh, ungodly place. Your home can be a needed refuge and sanctuary for the soul. Purpose in your heart that when you’re home with your spouse, you will do everything in your power to create a calm, peaceful environment. That may mean turning off the TV and computer more often, nagging less, and looking for areas to praise instead of criticize.

How would you rate the level of calm in your home on a scale from 1 to 10?


Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (co-authored with Gary Chapman), 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Family Life Today, Focus on the Family, K-LOVE, The Better Show, The 700 Club, Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah, and TLC’s Home Made Simple. Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University. She lives in San Diego with her husband James and three children. Visit Arlene at for free family resources including a monthly Happy Home podcast.

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