Lacking Grace In My Marriage

Have you ever felt weary of giving grace?

In other words, have you ever felt exhausted from giving unconditional love and kindness? Do you ever feel limited on how much grace you can give on a daily basis?

Maybe for you, it’s the kids, your job, other family members, or life’s circumstances that cause you to feel insufficient. On those empty days where I feel like I keep pouring myself out, I feel like my husband receives the leftovers of grace, which means I am less patient, less understanding, and less kind. It means I am more prone to judge, more easily angered and more likely to say something I shouldn’t. Even today I caught myself thinking, “can you please choose to be the selfless one so I don’t have to.” It’s in these moments when I find myself weary of giving grace to the very person I should be showing grace to on a daily basis, my spouse.

Recently I’ve been reminded that I will always feel this way as long as I’m trying to fill up my cup of grace on my own. Unfortunately, I do not have an infinite supply of grace to offer. Marriage has certainly shown me my lack of grace, and when we added a kid into the mix my grace supply seems depleted. The only way I can have enough grace is by seeking the One who has an everlasting supply.

John 1:16 says, “For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

Every day I must make a habit of running to the One who freely gives abundant grace, the One who is the perfect grace giver, Jesus. He has shown me that the greatest act of grace happened when He saved me, and now I get to live in the overflow of that grace. It’s so freeing to know that Jesus’ grace is enough and I don’t have to come up with grace on my own. I can freely come to Him and ask for His grace in my day-to-day circumstances.

When I do run to Jesus, I am not only equipped with a grace-filled heart but I am also no longer looking to fill my void of grace. Instead of looking at every argument, every difference, or every fight as a moment for your spouse to show grace, we see it as a moment to be a grace giver.

I know I will never be perfect at grace giving, but when I mess up I’m so thankful that Jesus offers me abundant grace to start afresh again.


Amber Spallino is the wife of a church planter, mom, photographer, blogger, and most importantly a person transformed by the love and grace of God. She has her M.A. in Women's Studies and calls D.C. home. She loves good coffee, her crock pot, and the fact that she can iron just about anything in the dryer. She is passionate about learning from God's Word and applying it to everyday life. To read more from Amber, check out her blog or Twitter.

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