When Marriage Isn’t Fair

Marriage is not always fair.

Now, don’t hear me wrong. It is important to contribute to your marriage and put your all into it. Your spouse should be able to count on your relationship being your top priority, right under your relationship with Jesus. But because we are human, we and our spouses will face days where we don’t have an “equal portion” to give.

Some days, work will drain all of our energy and we’ll come home depleted. Some days, family or friend issues will get the better of us. Some days, we will need constant encouragement and we will feel weak. Some days, it will all weight on us and we won’t be able to give our usual portion. It’s during times like these when loving your spouse for better or for worse will become more than just a statement proclaimed in traditional vows on a wedding day. It will become real. These days will likely come out of the blue.

Bad days never fit in our perfectly planned schedules.

The truth is, the expectation for your spouse (or you yourself) to pull half of the weight all of the time may work in theory, but not in real life. At times like these, it’s best to remember that we don’t make the choice to love because of what the other party can do for us. It has nothing to do with what we can get from them, and with that mindset, we are moved to action in times where we may have to carry 80% and they only carry 20%.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Not everything will be equal at all times, and that does not make you or your spouse a burden. If we play tit for tat and keep a log of how much we do and how much they do, there will never be peace or Christ-like love.

Marriage is not 50/50. Marriage is not 100/100. Marriage is the commitment two people make before God to love and cherish each other in all seasons of life.
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If one of us falls down, the other is there to pick us up and finish the race with us.


Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash


Ana is currently an English major, recently married to her wonderful husband, Malik! She is passionate about woman's ministry and hopes to inspire and encourage women to grow in the Lord and become all He desires for them to be. She feels called to writing and sharing her experiences on her journey with the Lord.

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