Does he mean it when he says he wants a divorce after every fight?

Q: We haven’t even been married 2yrs yet and my husband is telling his friends he wants a divorce after every fight. Do you think he means it? What should I do?

A (Gary Chapman): He probably is very discouraged because fighting is discouraging.  No one wins in a fight. Even if you win the argument you still lose at the relationship. I think what you need to do is focus on solving conflicts. I have a book called, Solving Conflicts Without Arguing. You need to learn how to listen to and affirm each other, even when you disagree, and seek solutions rather than winning arguments. If you can learn how to solve conflicts, the idea of him divorcing is going to fade. If you don’t learn to resolve conflicts, this is where people get the idea: Where not compatible, we should not have gotten married, we don’t agree on anything. So, it’s exceedingly important to learn how to resolve conflicts. I would strongly urge you and your husband, at this early stage in your marriage to meet with a counselor a few times and learn how to resolve conflicts.


Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit

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