My fiancé and I fight daily. What should we do?

Q: My fiancé and I have been fighting daily, it’s beginning to worry me. Is this going to be a problem in our marriage?

A (Gary Chapman): All couples have conflicts. But arguing with raised voices and harsh words is not the way to solve conflicts. In my book: Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, I have a chapter entitled “I Wish I’d Known How to Solve Conflict Without Arguing.” I believe it is essential to a healthy marriage. The key is to listen with empathy. Most of us have no training on how to listen. We listen only long enough to reload our guns and shoot back with our ideas.

Go for premarital counseling and put this issue on the table. Learn how to listen, how to respect each other’s ideas and how to find a meeting place. Don’t get married until you learn these skills.


Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit

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