Like most girls, I had been dreaming about my future engagement for almost a decade. I had hidden a computer folder with pictures of rings, a makeup box full of products for the perfect wedding skin, and a best friend who knows my ring size by heart.
After Thanksgiving dinner this past November, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him. My initial reaction was complete and utter shock. Once I realized what was happening, I was overjoyed. I’d love to say the last two months of wedding planning has been smooth sailing, but I have to admit there have been some waves of conflict. I present the top fights I find myself having since getting engaged.
The fight for what you want
My fiancé and I have always wanted a very untraditional wedding by New York standards. Here in the big apple, our weddings are equally large, fancy, and expensive.
My fiancé and I always toyed with eloping, but after getting engaged we jumped into planning a wedding. While planning, we dreamed of a small 75-person reception with great food and a $10,000 dollar price tag. This ballooned to a $30,000 dollar affair with 160 invitees within two days.
What happened next was one of the most confusing weeks of my life. My fiancé and I hit the breaks on our wedding planning and spent a few days praying for wisdom. We asked ourselves why we were planning a big wedding and what we really wanted. In the end we decided what we really wanted was to elope to a gorgeous island, have an amazing honeymoon, and come back and have a small dinner with our families and best friends. We plan to leave for Tahiti in July.
The fight to compromise
We got lucky in the fact our families were so supportive. If not, you may find yourself fighting to come up with a compromise that works for you. Some practical advice is to ask for what you want politely and explain why you feel that way with logical reasons. Don’t fight or be on the defense, listen and consider what the other side (probably your parents) thinks, feels, and wants before disagreeing.
Also, know when to give in. If something is very important to a parent that does not matter to you or your fiancé, go with their side. This is a time to choose your battles, not wage a war.
No matter what kind of reception you have, you will fight over the guest list. I found having a clear number of guest allowed per each side of the family works best. It gives a clear limit and does not allow one side of the family to feel short changed.
The fight for your purity
My fiancé and I made it through our entire relationship with our purity, so one would think a few more months would be easy. Incorrect! Now there is a ticking clock counting down to the wedding night.
I think a lot of factors add to increased temptation when you engaged. Part of it is the rush of knowing this person has made a large emotional and financial commitment to you. Another may be all the things you do alone as a couple to plan a future together, especially setting up your future home. Also, the conversations you may have in counseling or in private to prepare for intimacy can provide some mental stimulation.
We made it this far, and we don’t plan to slip up now. Continue to set clear limits and boundaries, and stick to them.
The fight to hold your anger at unsolicited advice or negative comments
When you best friend tosses out an “are you sure,” I think it’s fair and valid. When causal acquaintances and people you barely know offer up their negative opinions on your wedding plans, it can be down right annoying.
Please people; Think before you speak. Don’t tell a bride she will regret some part of her wedding plans. It’s rude, and she has enough on her mind without having to defend her decisions. (This may seem like an extreme example, but three different people have told me this since we booked our Tahitian wedding, all of whom are not part of my inner circle.)
Brides-to-be, now is the time to show God’s grace. Swallow your offence, smile, and say something polite but effective. My line has been: True, but I may regret it if I do [insert what person suggests here.] This is what we want, so we are going for it.
The battle of your emotions
When you get engaged, you assume the next few months are filled with head in the clouds joy. For the most part, they will be. However, the range of emotions I have been experiencing has been unexpected. Yes, it has mostly been full of happiness and excitement. However, there is also some fear over an unknown future, doubt over if I can be a Godly wife, and sadness over the loss of my single freedom and idea of leaving my childhood home. I have been reminding myself these feelings are normal, and worth having if it means spending a life with my beloved.
