Lessons Learned

12057762_m-webMy husband once made a comment to me about how I “hate” the cowlick he wakes up with every morning on the back of the left side of his head (notice I specified exactly where it is). I was slightly offended. Hate? It seems like a strong word to apply to something so insignificant. But I could see how he would feel as though I strongly disapprove. Every morning, as the prominent hair comes into view, I find my hands up there tugging, patting and prodding before I am even aware of it (let’s be honest, am I really accountable for my actions before I’ve had my coffee?). At first I didn’t know why his comment bothered me so much. As I thought about it, I realized that the reason I have such a hard time with his cowlick is because I feel personally involved with my husband’s hair. Personally involved, you say? Yes. As sole cutter of his stick straight, thick and bushy hair, I feel a personal responsibility to it. If there is something out of place, I feel accountable to try my hardest to fix it. However, sometimes, the harder I try to fix it, the worse it becomes. You see where I’m going with this? Take note, dear one, that this article was formerly entitled “Lessons Learned From My Husband’s Hair”.

Lesson #1: The cowlick won’t lie down unless water is applied.

No matter how much I pull, adjust, trim or flatten, that cowlick is just not going to lie down. I know it doesn’t belong there, and so does my husband. My husband can try to fix it on his own or I can try to fix it for him. Since we both know it isn’t going to change of our own accord, the constant poking, rearranging and reminding only leads to frustration on both of our parts. What we have seen is that if we leave it alone until he takes a shower, the full outpouring and submersion of his hair in the water will render that cowlick defenseless.

And He, when (the Holy Spirit) comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment. John 16:8

Sometimes we, as husbands and wives, try so hard to “fix” our spouses that the only thing it causes in our relationship is division. There are some imperfections, addictions or scars that only the Holy Spirit can convict and heal. It is by continually taking our concerns to the Lord and seeking his answer that we will know when is the right time to help, and when is the right time to leave that imperfection to the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

Lesson#2: If I cut his hair hastily, I create a mess.

My husband’s hair grows so quickly that I find I am cutting it frequently. He travels a lot for business and inevitably it is always the night before he’s supposed to leave for a trip that we realize his hair has grown out over his ears. I have to admit that I have, on more than one occasion, cut his hair quickly, without much thought, just to get it done. Whenever this happens, I end up having to fix a huge mess the next time around. It’s only when I am extremely careful and precise that his hair will turn out right. Let me say this: the same can be applied to words.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

Words are powerful, whether we realize it or not. How one uses them is the key. Our words can be uplifting and encourage our relationship, or they can quickly devastate an already sinking ship. Thinking before we speak can not only save us work in the long run, but it just might save our marriage, too.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 18:21

Lesson #3: I should use a tool to help guide the process.

Sometimes after I cut my husband’s hair it turns out looking like something out of a GQ magazine and I become extremely thrilled with my efforts. Other times, and if I’m being honest- most of the time, when I finish with his hair, his look embodies the very essence of chaos. After noticing my inconsistencies, I realized that cutting my husband’s entire head with just a pair of scissors was to rely on my own abilities as a non-licensed, youtube watching stylist. I could definitely use some help. After much searching, I have finally discovered the tool that allows me to cut my husband’s hair consistently every time – the Bible, I mean, a hair trimmer!

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16

Our mood or state of mind is greatly affected by outside sources, whether we realize it or not. For example, when you watch a sad movie, do you feel sad? Do you cry? Do you walk away continuing to feel grief in your soul? Or perhaps you learned just this morning that you are going to be a grandparent for the first time. What do you feel? Elation? How does that elation translate into your interaction with your spouse? Our minds are greatly affected by our environment and thus can create inconsistency in how we interact with our spouse. We are human, and thus cannot perfectly interact with our spouse in the most positive way every time. But there is a tool that we can use that will help us to be the godly people that we were created to be. The Bible, and thus, the Holy Spirit. By daily filling our minds with the Lord and his goodness, we, in turn, become filled with joy and positivity, which then translates into healthy interactions with our spouse.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

After watching a true professional cut my husband’s hair into something much more beautiful than the best GQ cut I could ever give him, I realized that what I can do is limited. It’s important for me to do what I can, but what is equally important is for me to let go of the things that are not mine to control. I can help my husband’s hair change along the way, but the only way it will be perfectly styled is if I allow the professional to use their expertise. After all, there is someone who knows what they’re doing. You’ve heard the old adage “let go and let God.” I now understand that when I do that, I reap the benefits of seeing a perfectly handsome man and say—lessons learned.


Bethany Stutzman is a registered nurse who grew up on the mission field in Colombia, South America. Her exposure to the third world has fostered a love in her to serve people in underdeveloped nations and she has been blessed with many opportunities to do so. She recently left her job working for a nonprofit organization whose goal is to provide free healthcare in developing countries to get married, follow her husband to Ireland and pursue an advanced degree in her career. While she is in Ireland, she hopes to continue with her hearts desire of serving people through writing and blogging.

Copyright © 2014 Start Marriage Right. Disclaimer