The One Way to Know You’re Ready for Marriage

I fielded a range of questions right after I got engaged. Some were about my wedding colors. Some were about the dress I hadn’t even bought yet or the date that hadn’t been set, but then I had a few people ask me how I knew I was ready for marriage.

Unfortunately, there aren’t three questions you have to ask yourself. There isn’t a checklist you have to have crossed off. You can’t even draw up a pro/con list (I tried).

The token phrase you will hear though from married people is “you just know.” The reality, however, is you know if you’re not asking. You’ll know if you don’t need three questions. You’ll know if there’s peace.

Sure, it’s OK to be nervous about your new role. Marriage requires traits that you didn’t have to use as a single adult. Things like communicating daily with your spouse, serving your spouse joyfully, and even sharing the remote control, but there’s a perfect sense of calm that comes. Don’t miss that.

I was shaking even an hour after my now-husband, Derek, proposed on a sunny spring day at the beach. I would hold my hand out to show my ring and watch my fingers quiver with the new jewelry. I hardly touched my lunch when we went out with family and friends to celebrate. Then after we left the restaurant, Derek opened the car door for me and slipped in the driver’s side, and in our first moment alone since I said yes, I felt glorious and wonderful peace.

Our God is a God of peace after all. Paul writes in Philippians 4:7 that the “peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds.”

That means it trumps the chaos of choosing a reception venue and your first dance song. It outdoes the fears you have about what kind of spouse you’ll be, and it lets you know that your marriage is right.

It’s easy to get swept away by the flutter you feel when you’re around your significant other. Most of my prayers while dating Derek were about not letting myself get caught up by his good looks and charm, but that if the relationship was right, God would bless it – and his good looks would just be a great benefit.

As a couple, we worked well together. His upbeat attitude balanced my cynicism. Our discussions were long and full of laughter and our arguments were fair. There was joy and peace between us. That’s the first bit of peace you’ll see in a relationship, and it’s important, but if you really want to see God reveal himself in your future marriage, look for peace in you.

Don’t miss it in the courtship. Don’t miss it in the wedding planning. It’s an amazing example of God’s goodness and it’s the reason I walked down an aisle of petals smiling all the way to Derek.

Derek and I read a lot of books before getting engaged and we talked and prayed about finances and family. The practical things you do before getting engaged might not look like that, but the one thing that shows up in engagement, the one thing that lets you know God is already working on your marriage, is peace.

And you’ll know it.



Amanda Casanova is a writer living in Texas with her amazing husband. She is a Texas A&M University graduate and has worked for several newspapers in Texas. She blogs at and is a writer for Whole Magazine.


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