They drastically change after marriage.
You see, about a year and a half before we said “I do,” I moved out of my parents home. Within that period, I worked as a live-in nanny in my city. Then I moved across the country and in with a church’s host family, then with a friend while wedding planning. I went from being on parental restrictions to being free as a bird. Going over to a friends house with no time limit and coming home at two am was normal for the college student life. My life outside of work and school revolved around spending time and energy on my friends. All the curfew’s and keeping someone up to date on where I was had ended.
Every couple is different. I have friends for whom the transition looked different, but as a nonmarried couple we made it a point not to be fully dependent on each other and cross the lines we believed were for married couples, and we spent a portion our relationship doing long distance. Our time was primarily spent differently in those seasons. Much on relationship building with each other, but also balancing the other relationships in our life equally. Our priorities split in many different directions.
After we got married about a month ago, my husband and I moved back to Miami, the place I grew up. My hometown where all my family and friends live. After being gone for so long, it has been a flurry trying to figure married life out as well as reconnect with everyone. And if I’m honest, my most important priorities have been neglected and misplaced.
My favorite part of marriage is knowing that when I come home, the person I love will be there. Spending nights together is probably the greatest part of this commitment. But the transition from having some group or plan or commitment with friends every single night to coming home at night to be with your spouse is a jump in a new direction. Learning how to be considerate of another person always takes a lot of awareness and effort.
We take on so many roles in this life, and all of them come with some change or growth. Boundaries with others that were not there before have to be set up. With marriage, my priority is to love and care for my husband, whatever that looks like for us. There is great joy in laying down what you are used to, to embrace the life you have chosen and love. There is a great motive for our actions when we live knowing that our choices are no longer just affecting us, but now another person as well.
And love is worth everything. It is worth letting go of the single life to embrace the married life because of the great reward of spending sacred time bonding with your spouse. Laying down what was to embrace what season you’re in now is worth it, whatever that may look like for you.