The wedding planning process, while exciting and fun, can also be draining-to say the very least. It seems to push you to your breaking point, test your patience, and and introduce contentious situations. All the while, you are reminding yourself to enjoy this short-lived season in life as you plan the day of your dreams.
Take a deep breath. The wedding, while obviously important, is just one day. The main thing to remember is that your focus should be much farther-reaching than the wedding; it should be on the marriage. Wedding planning is a bit like training camp for married life. Beyond bridal bliss, there are decisions to be made, problems to be solved, and conversations to have that can leave you and your fiancé prepared for more than just a walk down the aisle.
Communication
You will quickly learn that communication is the glue of marriage. It is what makes it possible to discuss situations, work out problems and their solutions, talk about life, take a stroll down memory lane, glimpse into your ideal future, and build your relationship. Without communication in a relationship, you have a car with no gas; you are going nowhere fast.
Planning the wedding requires a lot of communication. There are arrangements for a hundred different things simultaneously. You are communicating with the florist, the baker, the pastor, the venue, the coordinator, the bridal boutique, the photographer, family members, friends, your fiancé, and that doesn’t exhaust the list. One person, though, is more important than any of the others. You guessed it: your fiancé. Make sure that in your whirlwind of planning that you are not forgetting to communicate with your fiancé. True, the men are less likely to be the ones obsessing over whether the linens should be cream or ivory, but be intentional about including him anyway. The point is not to torture him with details, but to begin to work on discussing things together. You are moving toward “us” instead of “me,” and it is important to begin to grasp that mentality and attitude. Instead of turning to your friends or family to talk about how you are feeling, what is going on, and what their opinion is, turn to your fiancé. Even if he/she is reluctant at first, explain that you want to include him/her, and that you want to start working on communicating about things now. Trust me, you will need all the communication skills and practice you can get, so you want to start now.
Decision-Making
Videographer or no videographer? Burgundy or Beige? Up or down? Weddings may require more decision-making than any other event in your life, which is why they are also the perfect training ground for learning those skills in your relationship.
It can be challenging to transition from making decisions based on your own personal thoughts /opinions to what is best for you and your soon-to-be-spouse. Suddenly it is not just about you and what you want. Now there are two of you, and you must learn to function as a unit, carefully considering your significant other’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. That is why the wedding planning is the perfect time to learn to do just that. Amidst the plethora of decisions to be made, it is time to clue your future spouse in to what is going on and to get a take on what he/she thinks about it. Instead of it being your wedding day, look at it as our wedding day. It is crucial to work through and discuss the bigger decisions, such as: a prioritized budget, the style and location of honeymoon, what and where to register, etc. Look at the decisions you are making for your wedding as decisions you are making for your marriage and future together. It is the perfect time to learn how to decide on what the two of you both want together.
Problem-Solving
“But we don’t have any problems.” Right. Well, if you have not encountered any problems yet, they are waiting around the next decision corner. Whether it is an interpersonal problem or simply the logistics of the wedding day plans, you are definitely going to encounter problems of some sort. The good news is that this is yet another opportunity for you to learn a highly needed skill in marriage – problem-solving.
When a situation arises that is not exactly what you had in mind, take it to your fiancé. Discuss the problem, how you both feel about it, what your thoughts are as to a solution, and then decide on how you would like to handle it. The temptation during wedding planning is to run to the one you are used to talking to about things – your mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend. Now is the time to change up your typical pattern of behavior. Intentionally choose to go to your fiancé. Begin learning that he/she is your partner, teammate, and other half, and that the two of you are to work through problems as a unit. All through life you will encounter problems of various magnitudes. Now is the time to start learning how to handle them together.
The wedding day is just the beginning of a life-long partnership called marriage. During the planning, remember that this process is a time not just for that big day but for the big picture.
