Are all my girlfriend’s flirty ‘guy friends’ a problem?

Q: My girlfriend has a lot of friends that are guys—guys that are always flirting with her. When I mention that it bothers me that she talks to them so much, she says that they are just friends. If she is not willing to change, should I move on?

A: Well I your concern is legitimate because when you come to marriage it is an exclusive relationship. We are forsaking not only parents but also girlfriends and boyfriends from the past.  Now I don’t mean that she can’t have friends of the opposite sex but I do mean that after marriage, she will not be able to spend large amounts of time with those friends. Marriage is a commitment. It changes things. Is she willing to make that change?  Does she understand that? If she doesn’t understand that and is not willing to hear what you’re saying, then yes, it may be time for you to move on. If she hears what you’re saying and is willing to make some adjustments in that area even before you get married, that’s a good sign because it means that she’ll be willing—when you do get married—to let those relationships fade as they were and focus on her relationship with you.


Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit

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