There is literally no one I would rather spend time with than my husband. He is the most fun person in the world, and he makes life such a joy to live when he is around. Whether it’s taking a mini-vacation to some place we’ve been wanting to check out or just running errands around town, he makes the ordinary extraordinary.
Before I got married, I had always dreamed that my husband would be my best friend, but I really didn’t think it was possible. I looked around me, and it seemed like so many people could barely stand to be around their spouses. Wives lived for girls’ night out. Husband lived for their guy time. Many marriages seemed to be more of a battlefield than a party, and that scared me.
Was I too doomed for this “my spouse drives me crazy in a not-so-good way” marriage? In my mind, I knew that if I were too even slightly enjoy my spouse, I was in better shape than most. Still, a mediocre, slightly enjoyable marriage wasn’t my heart’s desire – I wanted more for my future marriage.
My own personal desire to marry my best friend coupled with my passion turned career to revolutionize marriages from barely surviving to thriving led me to pray for God’s perfect mate. My road to marrying my husband, Steve, was a bumpy one. I narrowly escaped marrying a man I knew wasn’t God’s best for me. Thankfully God intervened in spite of myself, and He gave me Steve.
From the first five minutes we spent together, Steve had me loving life. Laughter is the music to which our life is set to. We thoroughly enjoy one another’s company in every way. The simplest and dumbest of things are made exciting and memorable when he is by my side. In fact, as I write this, I am giggling and smiling thinking about all of the fun we have had in the five years (nearly three of those married) we have been together.
Reality Check
Isn’t that what marriage should be? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not claiming our marriage is perfect. We are a far from it, but we sure do work hard at it. We want it to be the best it can be, and we know that entails both of us giving 120 percent each and every day. While there are plenty of problems we tackle, the one constant is that he is the love of my life, and I know I am the love of his.
Most of us select our spouse because it’s someone who captivated us in a special way. It’s rare that I’ve ever talked to a couple that doesn’t have wonderful memories of how they met and fell in love. Yet, we allow ourselves to lose that vigor and admiration for one another through the chaos, ups, and downs of life. We forget that the person we are married to is the person we chose. Out of all the people that exist in this world, you chose your spouse. How do we lose sight of that?
Look, I am no stranger to the stress that life brings us, and there’s something about it that zaps the fun right out of a relationship. Bills, responsibilities, differences of opinion, exhaustion … these can all wear on a marriage. Somehow a carefree college guy that only has to worry about how he is going to win your affections is of course more glamorous and romantic than a husband who is working sixty hours to try and make ends meet. A young girl who only has to worry about how gorgeous she looks for your next date is alluring compared to the exhausted mother of two struggling to get a shower in. Reality can really suck the life out of a relationship; it’s not always as romantic and thrilling as it once was.
There’s good news though – we all possess a secret weapon for combating the sting of reality. In fact, there are a few weapons you can whip out the next time discouragement, bitterness, or anger strike, grabbing hold of your marriage with a murderous grip.
Turn That Frown Upside Down
It’s easy to focus on what we don’t have, what our marriage isn’t, and who our spouse should be. Anyone can do that. You know what separates a failing marriage from a thriving one though? Doing the opposite – focusing on the good.
There are times I catch myself headed down a mental slippery slope. How could he have forgotten to do that? Why did I have to remind him again? I allow myself to start nit-picking my husband, and it’s amazing how quickly it snowballs, gaining momentum and more destructive power. That’s when I have a choice to make – allow myself to go down this dangerous path, or snap out of it.
I’m getting better and better at recognizing these harmful patterns of thought and stopping myself from going there. Instead I start thinking about all of the things we do have, what our marriage is, and the amazing person that my spouse is. He sure does work hard. He is so appreciative of the things I do. I love that he can’t wait to get home to see me. It’s remarkable the turn around that can happen when we start meditating on the right kinds of things.
Thinking positively, being appreciative, and giving the benefit of the doubt are powerful tools for combating the negativity that wants to creep in and destroy the love, respect, and admiration you need to have for your spouse. Again, you chose your spouse for a reason, and although he or she may be very human at times, your responsibility is to cherish him/her no matter what. It’s challenging to do, but you must make the choice to focus on all the wonderful things about your marriage instead of the faults, failures, and hiccups that occur in every relationship.
Let me put it to you this way: remember when you were dating? Your then-boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiancé could do no wrong. That annoying way he eats now used to be endearing. Now you can’t stand how much she wants to talk, but you used to rush from class just to hear the sound of her voice back in the day. The time for positive delusions about someone isn’t when you are dating them; it’s when you marry them.
Put away the microscope and pull out your rose colored glasses for your spouse. Try on appreciation, gratitude, admiration, respect, love, and grace for size. See if it doesn’t completely revolutionize the quality of your own life and that of you marriage. Warning: this approach might sound like you are one step away from being diagnosed with a case of the crazies. Newsflash: I hope that I get labeled crazy, and I hope you do too. Wouldn’t it be great if we all got labeled crazy in love with our spouse? I think this world needs that kind of crazy.
My marriage isn’t perfect, but it is a gift that I treasure each and every day. If given the choice between being negative, miserable, and making my husband miserable or being optimistic, grateful, and making my husband feel like the most adored man in the world, I think it’s pretty obvious what the choice would be. My husband is my best friend, and there is no one I would rather spend time with than him. He makes the ordinary extraordinary, and I want to do the same for him.
