So Long, Insecurity

I stepped back from the mirror to appraise my completed look, my eyes intent on finding and destroying any flaws. Unfortunately, the flaws were numerous and the solutions were few.

Rebekah, what are you doing?” I asked myself.

I wasn’t like this. Not usually. But somehow it happened that, whenever it came to facing this particular person, I found that I wasn’t enough.

There is an unmet need beneath the insecurity
Insecurity reared its ugly head at me, and I finally realized that I was in bondage to this need to measure up. And while there’s something to be said for the person who makes you desire to be more, the person who makes you feel a need to be more is deadly. Oh, but sometimes it’s so hard to tell the difference between need and desire.

The world in which we live is broken, and it’s hard to find security in broken things. All across the globe, hurting and insecure women are searching for stability in temporary treasures. We’re building houses in the sand, hoping and praying that this time the foundation will hold. This time this guy will be the one that fulfills us.

But broken worlds are full of broken promises, broken dreams, and broken relationships. And I believe that the reason so many relationships are broken is because we place undue pressure on them. Because we grow up lacking security, we seek someone who will become security for us.

Relationships with other people will not fulfill the need. 
You’ve seen it as many times as I have. Girl meets Boy, Girl morphs into whatever she believes Boy wants her to be, Girl finds that she is still unsatisfied. And it’s no wonder. She’s living someone else’s dream. Someone else’s life. It’s my belief that the strongest relationships are the ones in which the couple retains their individuality. He’s a whole person, she’s a whole person, and their strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. You can’t really imagine them apart, and yet you often see them thriving in their own, unique calling.

Somewhere in the midst of our relationship-centered culture, we’ve forgotten what it is to be an individual. And while relationships are a beautiful and necessary thing, we can’t let them become the only thing. And we definitely can’t let them become the thing in which we find our identity. Many of us seem to think that, because we are incomplete, we must find someone who will complete us. I hate to break it to you, but your “other half” is a broken half—just like you are. No human being is going to fulfill your every need at every given moment. As humans, we are incapable of doing that. It defies our very nature.

So how do we have our need met? 
But there is Someone who is capable of filling every void in our lives. God created each of us as individuals with our own unique gifts that are destined to make an impact on this broken world. He doesn’t place undue pressure on us, doesn’t demand more than we can give, and never asks for a mask or performance from us. And while you may be getting mixed messages from the world, God only ever asks you to come as you are—to be the you He breathed into being.

I’m convinced that you’ll never find security in a relationship until you find security in the person God created you to be. So next time you feel the need to be more, leave the make-up in the cabinet and curl up at the feet of the One who accepts you just as you are.

FEATURED GUEST: Rebekah Snyder

Rebekah is a writer, dreamer, and lover of fairytales who is living her “once upon a time” journey in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. She is the newly published author of Beyond Waiting. You can learn more about Rebekah and her journey of NOT waiting at


Here you will find guest contributors . . . or those who once contributed regularly, but no longer contribute to the website in an on-going manner.

Copyright © 2014 Start Marriage Right. Disclaimer