My husband and I are both very passionate people when it comes to what we want out of life and what we believe. We both can be stubborn at times and let our pride rear its ugly head. So it’s very important that we work hard on our communication skills and on talking things out with each other.
Sometimes it’s draining. We can talk so much that I’m simply exhausted. However, it’s better than the alternative, which is to simply react.
Every time either I or my husband simply react to something instead of pausing to soak it in and thinking over our response …we crush the other person a little in our wake. It’s far too easy to step on each other’s feelings and do more damage in the short term “explosion” of our feelings, than it would be if we thought things over and deliberated over the words we felt we needed to say and how we were to deliver them.
It’s so easy to react. Sooooo easy. So easy to say words that we only halfheartedly mean. But the damage left over from those moments isn’t as easy to repair. You can’t take the words back once they are out there. And harm is usually done.
Luckily for me, my husband is great at forgiveness. And I’m learning to pick my battles too. To prioritize what I really want to fight over and what I need to leave to God to deal with.
I am far from perfect. As a woman, I am far from emotionally removed when it comes to the things I care about. In fact, I’m often led by my emotions. So I have to be really careful to not “supercharge” situations. I need to share my feelings more and speak from my heart when things are calmer and less tense instead of waiting for micro bursts of explosions to come during moments of potentially heated debates.
When I look back on how I’ve handled disagreements, hurts, or misunderstandings in my marriage, I know that my calm, thought-out words have gone farther every single time than my lashed-out reactions. And in fact, they’ve accomplished more towards reaching my goal for whatever has been on my heart at the moment than simply reacting “off the cuff” ever could.
Sometimes it takes repetition and practice saying something a different way. Not all of us are gifted at communicating but it works and it strengthens your marriage as well.