How to Stay Crazy in Love

The loss of passion happens to just about every married couple three to eight years after the wedding. Your infatuation-which is good only for getting you married-runs out. Communication problems crop up. Male-female differences surface. Annoying habits become increasingly apparent.

If all these factors aren’t enough to snuff out your passion, having one child will get the job done. You can keep your passion—or get it back-by following the example of Solomon and Shulamith in the Song of Solomon. This book in the Bible is the greatest love story ever told.

Here are three of the action steps that will help you stay crazy in love.

Passion Principle #1: Men, Listen to Your Wife

Solomon makes time to be alone with Shulamith. He wants to know her. Not just her body, but all of her. He listens, really listens, to her. Every woman wants, actually needs, a man like this. When a woman is listened to, she feels loved. She feels passion for the listener. One of the sexiest things in the world for a woman is to be listened to by her man.

So, Men: Do what Solomon does. Create regular private time with your woman. This is not for making out, groping, or having sex with her. That may come later(hopefully). This is conversation time. Schedule four thirty-minute Couple Talk Times per week. Use a private, quiet place in your home. Just the two of you. No distractions. No kids. No television or computer. No cell phone.

Don’t even allow pets in the room. You don’t want your dog snarfling around: “Scratch me!” If you have a cat, don’t worry about this regal creature bothering you. The cat owns your home and only comes around to be fed.

Be an active listener. Solomon is completely focused on Shulamith and what she is saying. That’s your job. If you listen in silence, she’ll think you’re not listening, and so will keep repeating herself. Believe me, you don’t want that. Your tiny brain will get overloaded and explode. Reflect what she’s saying; this means feed back to her key words and phrases and emotions

Passion Principle #2: Women, Compliment Your Husband Often, Frequently, All the Time

Overkill, you say? Wrong, according to the Bible. Shulamith compliments Solomon throughout the Song of Solomon. Shulamith knows that when a man is complimented, he feels loved. He feels passion for the “complimenter.”

So, Women: Do what Shulamith does. Again and again, she goes on rants of praise for Solomon. She reels off compliments for his physical body and his character. Your man wants-and needs-to know that you find him physically attractive and impressive as a person.

The next time he takes off his shirt, say: “Look at those guns!” And, don’t laugh when you say it. He’ll love it, and he’ll love you for saying it.

Passion Principle #3: Put God at the Center of Your Relationship

In Song of Solomon 8:6-7, Shulamith gives a wonderful description of the passionate love she shares with Solomon. She says that their love “. . . burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” This literally means “the very flame of the Lord.” What she’s saying is that the source of their passionate love is God.

To have God be the source of your passionate love, you need to put Him at the center of your relationship. One way to do that is to pray as a couple regularly. Do a five-minute prayer time during each of your Couple Talk Times. Make a list and pray one at a time, holding hands. God will bless you with spiritual intimacy that flows directly into a whole new level of emotional and physical passion. If you want a permanent passion in your relationship-and I know you do-do what the Song says.


David Clarke, Ph.D., is a Christian psychologist, popular speaker, and the author of ten books, including Kiss Me Like You Mean It, I Don't Love You Anymore, and Married But Lonely. He is married to Sandy and they have four children. Check out his books, seminars, marriage blog, and email and phone advice services at:

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