Going Together

When we were growing up, having a boyfriend or girlfriend was called going together. It was actually quite an insightful term and one that is often lost in marriage. The daily stress and challenges we all face can easily distract us from a common goal and purpose, and ultimately pull us in competing directions. The result is that we are going separately into life’s challenges and not together.

One of the greatest challenges that couples face and can pull them apart is parenthood. The fastest growing group for divorce is empty-nesters, and nearly two-thirds of married couples with children express that they feel less close to their spouse than they did before children. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that after the kids moved out, they felt that they didn’t know each other and no longer had anything in common. They grew apart.

Why does this happen? We believe that many of the couples that find themselves in this situation have tried to balance marriage and parenthood; instead of integrating them. They have a fear that somehow their children will cause them to longer focus on their marriage, and cause them to grow apart. Ironically, the way they tend to deal with it causes exactly what they are trying to prevent.

The reason is that mothers tend to have a unique connection with their children that cannot be separated from who they are. They go into parenthood. When the husband does not go with his wife into this new experience, she often feels isolated. The husband also experiences a similar feeling of isolation. Having children is a natural part of marriage and should be celebrated and viewed as a further bond in the marriage, not a competition.

Whether you are facing the challenges of parenthood or other struggles, it is important to look to each other and say that you are going together. As long as you go together, you won’t need to worry about growing apart.

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Trudy Simmons has mentored and counseled women and married couples since 2001. With a Ph.D. from Jacksonville Theological Seminary, Trudy is a licensed pastoral counselor and ordained minister. Additionally, Trudy has worked for over 15 years in the fitness industry as a certified personal trainer and writer for Women’s Health and Fitness magazine, helping people achieve their personal fitness goals and establish an overall healthy lifestyle. Bringing these attributes and skills together, Trudy is uniquely qualified to train women body, soul and spirit. In addition to her regular speaking engagements, Trudy is a frequent guest on the Dottie Coffman radio show, has spoken nationally at the Pure Women’s conferences and has been a guest on the Friends and Neighbors TV show. Most recently Trudy is the host of her own show called THE DR TRUDY SHOW, where she talks with guests about real life issues and how to overcome them. You can learn more about Trudy at her website at www.trudysimmons.net or by following her on Facebook and Twitter.

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