Help! My Spouse Says I’m a Control Freak.

After you say “I do” on your wedding day, you begin to see some of your worst qualities that you never even knew existed.

I have always known I was a super organized person and slightly “type A.” What I didn’t know was how controlling I can be sometimes without even realizing it.

Just the other day, my husband and I were eating Mexican food. To break from my normal choice of chicken fajitas, I chose fajita chicken enchiladas thinking, what’s the difference? They both have fajita chicken rolled up inside a tortilla.

When the waitress brought my meal, I immediately regretted my decision. I realized that the reason I like getting chicken fajitas instead of enchiladas is that I can control how much and what I put on my tortilla. Someone back in the kitchen isn’t portioning it out for me. I want the meal to be exactly how I want to be and on my terms.

Like my strange desire to control my Mexican meals, there are times in my marriage when I want to control our decisions, the way we do life and even my husband. I get caught up in my own desires and selfishness and all I can think about is how my way is better.

But it’s not always.

My marriage would not be what it is today if I was the only one calling the shots. Thank goodness I have a husband who stands up to me, puts his foot down when I am being selfish and calls me out for my sinfulness.

He reminds me in my moments of weakness that our marriage is not something to be controlled, but something we do together. We are to trust each other every step of the way. And when we have a hard time trusting each other, then trust God.

I have found in the moments when I have a hard time trusting my husband, and I want to control my husband, the best thing I can do is stop everything I am doing and pray to Jesus.

The enemy in my head tries to stop me from praying by feeding me lies that my prayers are a sign up weakness, prayers won’t get me what I want and prayers are useless—a waste of time.

They won’t do anything, he whispers.

But they do. They do a great deal.

My prayers strengthen and heal my marriage. My prayers make me a better wife. It is during those praying times that the Lord reminds me how to be more like Him. He reminds me to let him take the control, because it is only in His hands that my marriage can be wonderful and last a lifetime.

I can’t tell you how many times I will go to the Lord with frustrations or complaints over an issue between my husband and I. After I am done ranting and raving to God, he just whispers to me, Just love him, Rachel. Focus on loving him.

So whether you are newly married or have been marriage for 10 years, bring your marriage to God daily. Let Him be in control and guide the both of you for better or for worse. Trust each other and listen to Jesus.

And in those moments of desperation when things are not going your way (and you just want a fajita!), pray to Jesus. Bring all your frustrations and doubts to Him. Let Him guide you and show you how to love your spouse in a whole new way.

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Rachel Bohanan is a newlywed living in Oklahoma City with her husband and six-pound morkie dog. Rachel is passionate about marriage and desires to help others have a great marriage with her. She loves putting words together to share her heart in a way that inspires others to be more like Jesus. While writing is her first love, Rachel works in communications for an oil and gas company and also just started an at-home invitation design business, Rachel Kathryn Designs.


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