That was a weird dream, I thought to myself, as I managed to shake the feeling of this seemingly blast from my past circling my mind.
Although I don’t remember all of the details, I do remember one “scene” that lingered with me for the first few hours of my day after waking- that’s how vivid it was. This dream left me missing my husband like crazy, even though I just saw him in between my sleepy efforts to say good-bye before he left for work.
But this story in my head, while I slept, didn’t even involve my husband. Well, not completely.
I was back in college, living in the “party house” with my many unique room-mates, and feeling rejected and alone in the worst way…as usual. After a few drinks, I slipped into bed, and as my crush passed by my room in his boxers (it must have been one of those crazy parties), I begged him to lay with me and hold me until I fell asleep. The feeling of this moment was somewhat familiar, until he began to speak. He opened his mouth and I heard my husband’s voice.
Then I woke up.
I could have blamed this odd, imaginative story on postpartum hormones and moved on with my day, but I truly believed there was a hidden message in it.
What did this dream mean, Lord?
Within a few minutes, I feel as if I gained revelation and understanding of this dream.
You see, in real life, this particular crush from my past said several words to me that I longed to hear for my entire life, especially from a man. He told me that I “was worth more than gold” and that I “deserved to be treated like it.”
I believed every word he said and sadly, I thought he was the one who would show me my “more-than-gold” worth, but he just ended up using me for his sexual pleasure and never wanted to be associated with me in public.
The fact that this man in my dream had my husband’s voice seemed to be a reminder to me that I need to be grateful for what I truly have. When my husband speaks words of affirmation to me, he means every word that he says. He is and has always been Jesus’ manifested love towards me because he loves me like Christ loves the Church, just as scripture describes marriage.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (Ephesians 5:25-29 NKJV)
The memory of this crush painted a terribly sad reality of what my life looked like back then. I had no idea of what it meant to be treasured, adored, or treated far above gold, but I did search for it- all in the wrong places, of course.
Back then, I seriously did not have a strong revelation of what Jesus did for me; it was all religion and head-knowledge.
If the Bible would have been in my daily diet, instead of textbooks and plays, I would have seen right through those empty words from a college crush.
If I would have completely understood God’s love for me, anyone’s behavior towards me that did not line up with that, would have had to go take a hike!
How about John 3:16 for starters?
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (NKJV)
Considering there is no greater love than the love shown by the One who has laid down His life for me (John 15:13), no one else could possibly make me feel more treasured and valued than that!
Jesus paid the ultimate price with His life for you! That alone should tell you how much worth you have!
And really, that should be enough.
Unfortunately, I experienced many heart-aches and wounds before I came to that realization of how much God loves me.
I looked for my worth in how men could treat me, and I settled for dirt.
I tell you about this painful experience in my past in hopes that you avoid that same road. Despite all of that hurt, I am blessed and thankful to be able to have a marriage that reflects Christ’s love towards me. My marriage helps me see a picture of selfless love here on earth, and my husband definitely makes me feel adored and valued.
But it will never be able to replace Jesus’ sacrifice for me on the Cross. This weird dream helped me remember that, in a roundabout way.
Ultimately, the love of my Savior is where I should draw my worth from. With arms stretched open wide on the Cross, His love made a way to God the Father so that you could exist with Him in that kind of love from now until eternity. Don’t settle for less than that! You are truly worth more!