A Life “Hack” for Your Marriage

You probably know some helpful life hacks for cooking, cleaning, or organizing your garage. Here’s one for your marriage:

Remember the letters H-A-C-K.

I realize that the word “hack” is not very appealing, but as an acronym, it represents some fantastic tools for building your marriage.

HACK is an acronym for 4 critical elements in a great marriage:


If you choose to focus on these four things, you will strengthen your marriage. If you keep pouring these four essentials into your relationship, you and your spouse will be able to deal successfully with almost anything that comes your way. Like sturdy planks, these items create a platform that can sustain a ton of stress and strain.


Esteem your spouse highly, remembering that he or she is made in the image of God. Be respectful. Stay constantly mindful of your spouse’s high value and worth.

Take delight in honoring each other. (Romans 12:10, NLT)

Outdo one another in showing honor. (Romans 12:10, ESV)


Be attentive by focusing on your spouse. This involves things like:

  • respond to comments,
  • make eye contact, and
  • concentrate on active listening.

Turn off the television. Close your laptop. Lay down your phone. Friendship with your spouse is worth it!

Simple, everyday connections are crucial. Catch the relationship ball, and then toss it back. That is how the game is played … and enjoyed. Being attentive is not hard, but it does require focus.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (Philippians 2:4)

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen.… (James 1:19)

To answer before listening– that is folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)


Many people say that communication is the key to a successful marriage. Good communication definitely makes life easier, but there is another “C” word that is even more important: commitment.

Commitment must be supreme. Otherwise, you may be communicating about your divorce instead of your marriage! Resolve that nothing is more important to you than what is best for your spouse and your marriage.

Be devoted to one another in love. (Romans 12:10)

Fulfill what you vow. (Ecclesiastes 5:4)

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. (Hebrews 13:4)


Little acts of kindness are huge in a marriage! Specialize in kind words, kind gestures, and kind thoughts. Be warm and pleasant in your interactions, even when you don’t feel it. That is not dishonest because your will (the choices and motives of your heart) is more important and more authentic than your emotions.

Love is patient and kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:3)

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

If you will focus on showing honor, attentiveness, commitment, and kindness in your home, you will gain far more than a helpful life hack: You will strengthen your marriage, bless your spouse, and honor Christ.


Tami Myer is an enthusiastic cheerleader for marriage. As a speaker and writer, Tami shares God's design of marriage so that husbands and wives can experience the thriving that God offers them. Tami is the author of Radiance: Secrets to Thriving in Marriage (a book for wives) and Devoted: Pressing In to Know Christ More. She encourages couples at her website MannaForMarriage, and she leads husbands and wives to "fight on their knees" for their marriages through a weekly online/phone prayer call. Through 31 years of marriage, Tami and her husband have found God's design of marriage to be trustworthy. Along with their three children, they make their home in Palm Bay, Florida.

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