I’m sure you’ll agree that trusting God in the midst of His No’s is not easy! Don’t ya just hate it when you have a relationship all worked out in your mind, but it never manifests the way you dreamed it should. What’s worse is when you’ve actually started dating someone, and after having given yourself, your time, and more to him or her, God whispers His disapproval and completely steers your life in a totally different direction! Even more devastating is to have been catapulted into singleness due to a horrible divorce which occurred against your will.
To have prayed and believed to be reconciled with your former spouse, of all people, and to have been met with rejection, well, frustrating is an understatement! While you may not understand why God doesn’t give you your every heart’s desire when it comes to relationships, He does. Hopefully, a simple jog I took down memory lane will remind you that most of the time, God’s No’s really mean a later, greater Yes!
More Than One Door Closed
The other day while I was perusing Facebook, a particular profile picture seemed to jump out at me. The photo was of a lady who married a man I used to have a crush on. At the time of the crush, he was single, but I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t his availability (he was not married) that drew me, nor his good looks. Rather, if you couple those two characteristics with an awesome, fun personality, and throw in that he seemed to have a super close relationship with the Lord then, well, you get the picture. He was the total package!
What single Christian woman wouldn’t be attracted to an outgoing, confident man of God like him? Seeing him on a regular basis at church only kept my heart fluttering. You see, he was the lead college and singles minister at our church, and I was in his class. Years later I reminisced with another adult who taught alongside him and learned that mine wasn’t the only crush. Lots of gals liked him.
I kept my attraction to him on the down-low due to the serious relationship in which I was involved at the time. I thought the fling with him that existed in my mind would disappear, and it eventually did. However, before the feelings dissipated, I prayed things like, “Lord, if you’ll give me someone like him first, then I’ll break up with the guy I’m currently dating.” What I meant was, “God, if you’ll conform to my will and give me what I think I want, then I’ll break off things with this pretty good guy I don’t think I want to marry.”
After much prayer and wise counsel, not only did God steer me away from my crush, but He led me to break off the serious relationship turned engagement which I had been involved in for more than eight years! Each of the million times (I’m exaggerating) God shut the door on a relationship I pursued or prompted me to break up with someone, I expressed my frustration to Him in prayer. Despite my frustration, God never changed His mind.
Trust me when I say I know what it feels like to believe God is all powerful and to have prayed a long time requesting His miraculous power to help one relationship or another work out, all to no avail. I also know how it is to have to continue on as a single while yearning to be married. I remember full well the days of wondering what in the world God was doing, and questioning whether He really had great marriage plans for me. If you are in a similar place, I can empathize with you BIG time. Gratefully, I can also encourage you by sharing more of my story. Praise God I (and you can too) eventually experienced the latter half of Proverbs 30:5:
…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning!”
My friend, there is hope! Finally, after surrendering the right to play matchmaker in my life and forfeiting all romantic relationships strictly for the purpose of drawing closer to Jesus, I found something I never imagined I would attain until after I got married—contentment. Then, right about the time I actually started enjoying the unmarried life, God brought me the man of my dreams. So here I now sit ten years after being married, able to rejoice for every No God dished out over the course of my single life. I’m able to tell you that even though some of those guys I desired to date might have made great husbands, not one would have matched me as perfectly as the man God brought me in His perfect way and time.
My Dating Games are No Match for His Plan
His gracious refusals to conform to my will were His way of bringing me the best gift in the way of the amazing husband, beautiful family, life, and ministry I so enjoy today! I am so grateful the Lord never accepted my invitation to pull up a chair in my single mind and play the dating games I construed on a regular basis.
He won’t play your games either. My friend, God has an awesome man or woman He designed specifically for you. He has made someone for all the ex’s of your life as well, even the ex-crushes! He isn’t interested in your plan, even your good plan; He only desires to give you His best in the way of a mate. I pray that someday soon you are able thank Him not only for your spouse, but for the families He creates for those you think you might like to date or marry. I know I’m super thankful now!
The Eventual “Yes” Makes it Worth Hearing all the “No’s”
As I viewed my ex-crushes wife’s Facebook page, I took a peek at their family photos. While what God was up to at the time had been invisible, it was now clearly evident. My ex-crushes family is beautiful.
Well, one memory led to another and before long I’d recalled several occasions in which had I not obeyed God and let go of a relationship then, I, of all people, would have kept me from the man I was meant to marry! I pondered the families the Lord had given to all the could-have-been’s in my life, and praised Him for each one. More than that though, I thanked Him for the No’s and for the millions (more exaggeration) of unanswered prayers. You could say that my journey down memory lane ended in a dead sprint with my hands raised in the air with me shouting praises to the Father.
Retrospect is a great teacher; one day I pray you’ll too be able to see clearly that God’s No’s are really like arrows pointing to a greater Yes! Praise Him ahead of time for the unanswered prayers which can ultimately steer you to the greatest marriage destination, and remember that no matter how loud or long you cry, beg, moan or throw a fit, Abba Father is not going to change His mind. Believe me; I tried for years to sway Him! He wants the very best for each one of His children, and that is that! He’s God; you’re not.
My advice: surrender, draw close to Jesus, and wait for His Yes! However long it takes, wait. It’ll be worth it in the end.
© 2011 Dani Miser, Author of Single Woman Seeks Perfect Man (Deep River Books, 2010)
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Dani Miser is an author and speaker. She is passionate about encouraging others to honor God in their relationships! She truly believes God’s plans for our lives, especially in regards to marriage, are better than the plans we have for ourselves! In chapter one of her book, Single Woman Seeks Perfect Man: Facing the Consequences of Unhealthy Relationships, her testimony displays living proof that God longs to be invited as matchmaker into the lives of His children! Dani has written for publications such as CBN, Archsa.org, Youth Worker Journal, and the Healing Hope Herald. Her book has also been featured on a variety of television and radio broadcasts such as Canada’s Most Listened to Spiritual Talk Show (drewmarshall.ca) and WATC-TV Atlanta, Georgia. Dani and her husband, Cody, reside in in Wichita Falls, Texas, and have three boys ages 5, 7, and 9. Recently, they’ve been blessed with an opportunity to pursue adopting a fourth child! For more information about Dani or her book, visit her blog.
