How can I know I am still in love once the “tingly” feelings subside?

Q: If I am in a dating relationship which has moved out of the ‘tingly’ love stage, how do I know that I am still in love with this person as we transition into the love languages stage?

A: This is an excellent question because everybody if you date long enough will move from the euphoria of the in-love experience to what I hope would be the second stage of love. That is learning to speak their love language. You’re more likely to make a wise decision if you wait until the euphoria has subsided because you can look at some of the other issues more clearly…

Intellectually, are you on the same plain? Socially, do you enjoy some of the same things? Emotionally, are you able to process you emotions in a positive way? Spiritually, are you walking to the beat of the same drummer?

These are the kind of things that are really important when you’re making a decision about marriage. And if you’re speaking each other’s love language, you’ll continue to have warm emotional feelings for each other. It won’t be the euphoria that you had when you were in love but it will be a deep sense of love for each other. And in that context you can look at these other issues and make a wise decision to marry or not to marry.


Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn. For more information visit

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